Welcome to PC - this may be related to the past sexual abuse or it could be how you are. Some abuse victims end up in the sex trade or some may not be able to enjoy sex at all. If someone is into S&M they're not necessarily past abuse victims and its no longer considered a sexual disorder. If a couple want to engage in this - it should be under safe, consensual conditions and always have a safe word - meaning if you really don't want to do something, he would know to stop. This is to avoid confusion. Have you received therapy for these sexual assaults?