Patricia I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do know how you feel as I have the same feelings. there are things in my past I am so ashamed of I feel I ruined 3 peoples lifes If I had not been there they would not have had to deal with my drugs and the ahole I was. I have tryed to make it up by the way I have lived my life after I stopped the drugs I can say god has helped to make me a lot different but nothing I could do would make it up the these people and my heart is very heavy becuace of this. In time and when the time is right it will happen we just have to be ready when it is time. please have a good day