Quote:
Originally Posted by snowgoose
I appreciate your perspective and it is apparent that you are an attentive, involved and caring mother. But.... I find this to be one of those over the top warnings for children. At least for me. It is my job to screen the people who might spend private time with my child. I don't want my child suspecting everyone. I want them to learn how to listen to their own instincts.
When I was a child an alcoholic uncle was always gropping us girls. People thought it harmless, even funny but I didn't. I learned to keep my distance and stick close to mom when he was around. I never had to worry about being left alone with my uncle because my mother knew without me saying anything that he could not be trusted. She may have thought him harmless too but she was intuitive about my discomfort and without question stepped up to make sure I stayed safe.
I expect the question of what to say and how to say it etc is unique to every family. An approach can work for one family and backfire for another. The important thing is for parents to be attentive and to trust their own instincts about people who spend time with their children.
Ya but at what cost. I doubt they had any idea how this thing was going to explode with them smack in the middle of it. Very sad re-victimization. This story is going to go on for years while the judicial process does its thing. The constant resurfacing of the pain that those years will cause is unforgiveable to me. Is it any wonder kids stay quiet. Or probably wish they did once the **** hit the fan.
There has to be a better way that truly does protect and support and usher healing for the victims. Justice is more than a legal issue.
|
Sorry to the original poster if this is off topic. Its good you had that intuition about your uncle but that's also because you witnessed some uncomfortable groping that put up red flags for you. Most family, friends and acquaintance assaults are done by very sly people and they spend a great deal of time grooming their potential victim. One of the best grooming tricks is the tickling game. In order to understand this, you need to look at it from the childs perspective. They usually appear like this great loving person and they win the childs trust. The child thinks this person is great or in the case of a coach - they look up and idolize this adult. When the perpetrator finally strikes the child/young adult is totally shocked, confused and crushed by the betrayal. Most of the time they literally freeze.
I have be very vigilant in protecting my girls without scaring them. The fact is, I can't be with them every second. When I talked to them about familiar sexual molestation/abuse, I prefaced it by saying this may never happen. If they're outside walking our dog and our friend drives by - they should know not to go with them if they're uncomfortable. If you're having a party with a house full of people, your eyes can't be every where, so they need to know this could happen. My kids don't go around fearing everyone. When I was 13 I never thought in a million years my BIL would want me in a sexual way. My mother only told me of stranger assault. I never dreamed the man I've known since I was 5 and married to my sister would do this - luckily my instincts and repulsion kicked in. I promised myself I would educate my girls that abusers could be familiar and seem very nice.
Regarding the victims in this case - if there was a better way that would be great. I honestly think this coach has the same mentality of the NAMBLA organization who believe its fine to have sex with minors because they love them. Its his denial/fame that's fueling this media attention. These men are adults now and I presume they're ready to fight this. I saw an Oprah show where the whole audience were men who were abused as children. I think men feel even more shame and secrecy. It the shame and secrecy that helps these predators continue their abuse. Even most parents have a hard time admitting it could happen to their child by someone they love or admire.