First off I am sorry you have had to go through this. I'm glad that your rape fantasies are gone. I don't necessarily see anything 'wrong' with fantasies of being controlled or submissive? In fact I think everyone likes that every now and then. Those are actually quite common fantasies and there are entire industries dedicated to the things you enjoy.

It could have something to do with or it could not. There are many people who share your desires that have never been sexually abused. Some people like it bc in their real lives they hold a position of power at work or in the home. Some people just like experimenting with new things. Have you ever carried out any of these fantasies to see how they affect you at the time?

I agree with lynn that there should be some kind of counseling for these sexual assaults. Does your partner know about these assaults? I was raped by an ex (took me a long time to even realize that, yes, you can be raped in a relationship) and to this day certain things still trigger me - it has been over 7 years. I try to do things to please my bf but he understands that some things are just off limits. Just last week I was triggered and just broke down in the middle of sex and started bawling my eyes out. Don't suppress these emotions until they turn into that. I should have gotten help right when it happened and now it has ruined many relationships of mine. Please don't put yourself through that.