Thanks everyone for your input regarding meds and pathway building. My anxiety (GAD/OCD/PTSD) got so high by the time I was 62 that I was ready to begin Citalopram (generic Celexa). Previous to age 62 I had refused all "drugs" whether street or medical. Gads, what a difference Citalopram made: wish I had taken it sooner. Could have saved me (and my family) many years of suffering, not to mention the self-abuse I was doing to my own body by pumping a steady stream of cortisol into my system.

There is medical evidence that SSRIs calm the brain's limbic system. Here's how: when the amgdala (fear center) is less activated, the hippocampus begins to "unshrink" as the cortisol levels drop. A healthy, full size hippocampus supports better memory recall. A shrunken hippocampus is NOT the aging person's friend because it greatly ups the chances of early-onset dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease. The stats on these two diseases for those having chronic PTSD is 50-70%.

In the past, I found that counseling appointments prior to medication created an endless cycle of pain without enough grain. How many times can I go over the abusive past? Doing so made me constantly nervous. Because of recent scientific break throughs, I know now what was happening--the amgdala is damaged and needed relief from the gore.

I currently go to a therapist who specializes in attachment disorder as well as anxiety-related disorders. She has shown me the childhood developmental stage that was neglected, thus the pruned or broken pathway. We build it forward. I have healthy people in my life. No longer do I subject myself to the core abusive family who have not sought help. The work I do with my therapist is productive; many pathways have been rebuilt, which gives me better function in my daily life. However, some empathic reasoning seems impossible: I simple have no fond memories of my abusive dad. We never bonded then and because he is dead, there is no chance to re-create that dynamic. I am 64, so there is no dad figure in my life to practice with. I accept that fully and get on with the pathways I can do more successfully.

This is the best holiday season I've ever had in my life. Our grown children have seen a change in me and those kids who have symptoms similar to mine have placed themselves on meds and/or therapy. We are connected in a healthy, forward looking way. We laugh and have fun! Depression is gone. My meds have settled me down and have given me a chance to practice cognitive behavorial therapy tools. Life is truly worth living.

What helped me along the way was reading Dr. Daniel Siegel's easy to understand book on brain pathway development. One is called Mindset. Also Dr. Bruce Perry's books called The Boy Who Was Raised by Dogs was awesomely helpful, as was Born for Love. Those two books put therapy in a rightful place. I also studied Boundaries through Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's books. Also, learning to speak in I-statements helped me to own my own stuff without blaming the past for everything.

Hoping this post from a senior citizen, diagnosed late in life, is encouraging to somebody who might need it. Getting help while you are young makes for a better life. Susan Quinn