I'm irritable, don't know what to do with myself, feel like I need to rock myself, having intrusive thoughts and I am NOT on top of the world anymore. I just want out of my mind. I have no direction (failed 2 classes and neglected to register on time). dont have a job. have no money. overall confused about my identity in many ways and I overall do not like being me. I wish my husband would leave me as I dont know why he wants to be with someone so miserable and selfish. I have a hard time thinking outside of this box that is my own head and I feel guilty about it. I want to cry but I cant...wishing for a miracle right now...I am on 2 meds and I dont want to add anymore. I am pretty sure my pdoc is going to suggest taking abilify again and I am feeling trapped. I care very little for myself and wish I would be stricken down and put out of misery because I dont want to do it myself.