When I'm in my whirlwind of BPD, NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING makes me happy!!!

Sorry to be on such a downer but what I say. .. what I relate is real. .. . I HATE the fact that being real and being Happy is connected to being REAL. What's that? I know it isn't what is protrayed on T.V. ... it's what loving and real families make happen .. . who is making that happen?