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Danialla said:

Depression is a funny thing (in a sad way ).........it is different in everybody, but ultimately I think we all want the same thing.....peace and happiness in our own lives and those around us.

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It is interesting to see the various ways we each approach our respective depressive disorders. (I read something that I really like and will have to scour through my library to find what book it came out of. The author said he doesn't use the term "mental illness" because nothing is wrong with our minds. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain.)

Anyway...to throw my 2 cents and experience in....

hereiam - I also cycled like you do...my diagnosis was Major Depression - Recurrent. I was initially put on an AD for about 6 months or so and when the cycling was getting so close together that it interfered with my job, etc., then my pdoc put me on a mood stabilizer...in my case Depakote.

I'm fortunate in that I have had absolutely no side effects from the AD/Depakote combo, including sexual. In fact, they have become so much my routine that I really don't even think about it. I have taken them for 15 years and just feel...like me...with the normal ups and downs of life, but I know the difference between "situational depression" and when it's the chemicals in my brain starting to break through the meds.

In those 15 years I have only had 3 major episodes that necessitated my pdoc either upping the dosage on my meds and/or adding others to zap whatever is going on. For me, the episodes are caused by an overload of stress (as in my recent episode).

I understand the desire to not be on meds. Although I've never had a problem with my AD/mood stabilizer combo, I *did* have some hideous side effects from a couple of the meds my pdoc put me on to zap me out of my last major episode. (Which have now all subsided.) It's funny, I'm content taking two, but I really didn't like taking 6 different ones. My pdoc is now taking me off the added meds so I will be back to my "regular 2" but thank goodness for the others that I needed at the time.

I have no issues with stigma. To me, it's like a diabetic having to take insulin to control a physical problem.

So...as Larry said...everyone is so different in how they respond to meds and their personal preferences/beliefs about taking meds.

This is just my story for whatever it's worth.

P.S. Oh yes...please don't call them "Happy Pills." I think people confuse ADs with "uppers" (which having never taken any I don't know what the names are). I'm a fairly serious person overall, so ADs definitely don't make me happy - they keep me stable.