worse with no sleep. one tries to get us on our own and hurt the ones around us. she stays out primaryly when this happens. there's a main one who really keeps things going for us all. names are hard to come by. not all like or will talk cause they get mad. when we try to talk to any T about it we get to the part of bringing the topic up, but no further. i usuallly hide and others scare me. but right now she took xanax it was to make us sleep. but we still here and im not so scared. once before she took it too and she gladly let me out and buy stuff. i bought a pretty journal! she added pens, lots. because i like colors and she knew it. and we didn't have any at home. that was the last time i came but she promised to stay there ahead. she didn't leave and stayed till i was done then i was the first one to write in it! (:
but we good at hidning. tho quite a few of us wished the T would of did more thinking instead of just letting us pass up the question. it was safe before. but it isn't no more. one thought of moving back to grand parents. if they EVER found out..., we would never be happy again. now is not the right time or place. we were close to telling before here. but something went wrong and we chickened out!

sometimes when we space out, we are told or rehear just what was asked. usually it was my friend who would come out but no one knew how. when we explained it,, no one could even understand how that could happen. then it just take time for her to answer she got good at hiding it under adhd symptoms which is what the psydocs thought and we went with it. until we got away and found out adhd meds really do help... only we more seperated then on the med. that sounds weird but its true. i used to lie to walk and pick the pretty flowers in my 2nd grade, i love colors! lots of them! but we got in trouble and teacher got mad and pulled out paddles. then my grandma got mad cause someoneelse sold my fundraiser stuff and the people didn't buy it and i didnt do it but i cried and that's when i dint have to be the one to pick up all the trouble for what our words and mind caused. most of my past i remeber just cause i was always visiting and keeping her company. when mary went and hurt and got us in trouble, and left us alone with no explainations. but mary had help. but we all want to fix the problem. mary sometimes shares with me. things that she took on for us. things no one else knows... but i cant say what and i cant tell others. i think im the youngest. though (: me and abbi used to fight over my age.
spacey is the best way i can describe it. then forgetting, and then having to fix what everyone else screwed up is tough. some is even unfixable.
then i remeber stuff, that i have no reasoning or thoughts or feelings or anything as to why i did it just that it happened. even on the meds. but the only safe place is our room. throughout the day we are diffrent. there rarely any communication when we lack sleep. its just all for themselves. coming and going as they please... but "alone" in the room no one but us can question it.