Hmm... Interesting topic!

My first rounds of depression were the worst - before I ever had a manic episode. Life wasn't worth living, several sui attempts, etc. "Black bottomless pit of despair" was my mailing address. I was totally unconscious of anything good happening.

Now when I get depressed, it's quite different. I haven't been sui in over 10 years. I know that things will get better, if I can just hold out long enough. I can see that there are a lot of good things going on in my life, even if I don't feel good about any of it, and I tend to discount all that good stuff as meaningless. It's not like I see the sun shining through, but if I continue to tread water, I probably won't drown. It's still pretty wretched - I'm wracked by feelings of inadequacy, exquisite anxiety, extreme hopelessness, and utter loss of interest in anything that has ever interested me. My body feels heavy, my brain slows down, and I have a hard time finding the right words.

At this point, I know it's all temporary. Another mood cycle will hit and I won't feel so good/bad. I've basically learned that I won't feel that way forever and if I can just wait it out, things will be OK again. So now I try to step back and think about things without all the emotions clouding everything up - hard to do, but trying to keep things in perspective definitely helps when I start feeling hopeless (or euphoric...)