Quote:
Originally Posted by learningtoaccept
This is going on at least a few weeks and I wish it would just stop. I just started a higher dosage of Tegretol, so we'll see how I feel but I am just not getting instant relief and I wish I could. The sedation was at least helping but I am not getting that side effect much anymore. I am just sick of how I feel. I am JUST admitting to myself that I have bipolar, after my diagnosis that was 4 years ago. And realizing I am manic, and noticing exactly how it feels and that it won't just go away, is horrible. I just want to feel normal. I don't want to have bipolar disorder. Everyone else in my family has depression and can just take and antidepressant and bam - they feel better. I wouldn't dare take an antidepressant unless I want to starve, never sleep, and feel high all the time. I really just want to feel relief. I want to come "down" and get my moods under control. Not only am I trying to come to terms with my disorder but I am doubting my relationship more and more every day. I don't know if I am REALLY doubting it or if I am just so out of it that I don't know what I want anymore. Other than wanting to feel normal....
|
have been manic for more than 35 years. been on lithium all this time and recently on klonopin for anxiety. for me, as a female, with everything i've read and heard from some great shrinks, this disease progresses with age. most of the time i am stable but recently packing and purging for a downsize has caused me to be more manic, anxious, obsessive, and losing sleep. and i also find i am so negative, question everything, and do not feel like i can rely on myself for answers and decisions...yet when stable, i am very good at not questioning, not doubting, not fearing, and dealing with what-ifs. this upcoming move has moved me from essentially hypomanic all my life, to manic and i am going thru exactly what you are. nothing and no one seems stable in our lives. i do not have answers for you but i can certainly empathasize. my hubby's usual patience and understanding are now worn thin and i feel so incapable and unworthy. i think it's all part of the disease and until we stabilize and get the right med adjustment, the insanity continues. i wish you well.