my name is josh and i am 22 years old. my issues are complicated one of them contibuting to this exact statement, stubourness. i feel completely worthless in my own eyes. i have no job no school no deploma or ged no girlfriend a broken truck and in a couple of days no where to live. i have tried many times to dig myself out of this deep hole with breif winds of positivity and motivation but it is always short lived and here is why. i hate people (not everybody just people in general) and i find myself diqusted by the day to day life that most people put them selves through and all this due process that has paved what seems like one golden path to be traveled. i cant stand to be in any job for more than about 4 to 6 months. i constantly go back and forth from asking whats wrong with me to wuts wrong with the world and the human race and i think it comes down to the world being a generally ****** place. i can respect my place as the minority on this point witch leads me to these breif glimpses of hope i mentioned erlier. i "bite the bullet" so to speek and get some random what ever job that my heart isnt in and the cycle repeats. im tired of the cycle and i want it to end one way or another. all though i know my family loves me very much im sure they disapprove. my grandfather seems to be the only one who understands my predicament but even he cant really help at this point. all any one can say is "well you just have to man up and just get back to the grind". i tell you i refuse. sucide has definitly been an option many times but more of a forbidden option. i have always been very clear with myself that suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem and a cowerdly thing to do because i know i am young and things might get better but thats not what the last 5 years of my life show so if i continue along this same path who knows what ill think about sucide later on. i am from california and moved to montana in the hopes that there would be something special out here for me but its just more of the same. i see no place for me in this world i dont fit into any of the predesignated slots. there is no josh shape in the world if you get my meaning. its like i have to bend and mold myself into a slot i dont fit into and in all metaphorical possibillities, thats unconfortable to say the least. so there it is in a nut shell. pretty hopeless right?