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I don't really know if I have depression. I haven't gone to a doctor. In fact, I think I might have bipolar disorder too. But it's gotten really bad recently. I need suggestions. Here's my situation:
I have no clue what is causing my life to be so bad.
Three years ago, I was dating someone and that is when it started. He was my first serious boyfriend and I really loved him, but that was a horrible time for me. It started rumors in school, lies, people to dislike me. I just felt horrible about life. We broke up after about a year and 1/4 of dating. It toook me awhile to get over him but I did. We talk now, because he's the only person who understands me.
Now, my family is messed up. Majorly. I hide my feelings towards them because I want to be strong for my family. It's getting tough to do.
My current boyfriend. I love him to death. But sometimes he doesn't treat me very well. I get angry very easily and I'm very very very jealous over him. We fight a lot, but I hate to leave him because he means so much to me. If we broke up, he'd never talk to me again. The other night, I threatened suicide and I'm very scared. I've thought about it before, and I've cut myself before but never this bad. I don't cut myself anymore. At all. I hate that. But the thoughts that I had the other night won't stop running through my mind. It's really scary. But I just have no hope. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. And my boyfriend, he's not handling it well. In fact, he wants to leave me. When I've hit rock bottom.
It doesn't help that I absolutely hate myself. The way I look, the way I am around people, I'm so self-conscious, my only escape is dance. And I no longer have an interest in that. I don't know what to do. I just need to get my thoughts out.
If someone could reply... ANYONE. I'd be so appreciative. I just need someone to talk to.
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