went to visit a parent who is unwell.

i got the same old, same old. she smacked me twice on the face with her elbows. all these old memories came up i don't think i can deal with that right now. my parent knows i am applying to grad school. we have been quarelling for a long time, about this topic of achievement. i don't know if i will ever achieve anything. i don't know if i will every find a real support network.

i called up my boyfriend in a panic to ask him to come get me.

she started screaming, "you're pathetic you should be ashamed of yourself."

the same fears of dependency came up.

i shut down my phone. all i know is the wrong ways to cope.

i have no idea what to do right now.
feeling like a reject, drop out.
i am sure T has no idea what to do either.