I agree with everything Perna said. Your buddies didn't make you do anything. That one you have to own up to and realize that you made your own decisions.

About the smoking thing...I have been a non-smoker for 6 months now. This is at least the 3rd time I have quit. The first time it was for 1.5 yrs but it was bc my bf at the time had pressured me into it. I quit out of guilt and ended up resenting him for it. If you don't like a smoker, then don't go out with her or get over it. Forcing her to quit will only hurt you in the end (which you have already seen).

I'm glad that there are boundaries for now and that you are following them (presumably). More over, you need to do some exploring of yourself. What is it that makes you hate smoking? Is it the smell? Is it a moral thing? Maybe if you understand WHY it bother you so much, you can deal with the controlling aspect of it. It is hard and I used to do the same thing - I really despised pot smokers and used to try to make my bfs quit. That always blew up in my face. Now I'm okay with it.

I really hope you can figure something out. I get that you are confused and probably overwhelmed right now. It doesn't do any good to beat yourself up over mistakes unless you learn from them. This sounds like a really good opportunity to do some good introspection and self learning. I hope you two work out but, if not, like Perna said, you need to be okay with your own decisions. GL.