What she did and said was so mean and so hurtful. I am so sorry that you had to experience that, and for all the history that is behind it.

You deserve to apply to graduate school in a space where you feel hopeful and excited. You can choose who you include in your support circle as you move towards this goal. You do not have to include her, and as I am sure you know, you don't have to have any contact with her at all.

I didn't have any contact with my FOO for 10 years, through the decade of my thirties. During that time, I not only reclaimed a large part of my emotional life, but I also was able to achieve things in my career I am certain I wouldn't have been able to had I still been pulled down by them. And I also had the courage to leave a "successful" job that wasn't really right for me and do something less stereotypically successful that I don't think I would have chosen otherwise.

It sounds like you are on the cusp of changing your life for the better. I wish you the best.

Anne