Quote:
Originally Posted by agusta
Hi guys,
So a quick background, we have been in a relationship for about 5 months. I am 24 and she is 21.
I have been in other relationships before but I have never been in love with the other girls in the past. I love my girlfriend to death and she means the world to me. Her being my first true love, I think I became over protective and made a few bad moves that have started a fight between us. I need some advice please.
Essentially, I did three things which started this. 1) She had told me she was still friends with her ex and they talk over the phone from time to time. I didn't mind that but after a few weeks, I saw that his name of the phone kept changing. So I discussed it with my gf and since then there is a feeling in her heart that I don't trust her. Which is not the case, rather I just needed an answer. Her answer made perfect sense and we moved on. 2) I am not a fan of smoking. So I when we started dating, she promised she would stop smoking. About 2 months later, she started smoking again and I asked her she had promised not to smoke. This started an endless argument as I would like her to stop eventually. She told me when I tell her I can't do something, she feels less independent. Maybe it was the way I told her not to smoke or something, but she has been really mad at me since then. 3) She is currently traveling so I cam here to see her as a surprise. She originally had asked me to come but I told her I couldn't come. So when I decided to surprise her, it came out totally wrong and she thought I was stepping on her space. Later that day, my buddies ended up making me drink some strange drink and I ended up getting really drunk. I was rude to her friends and then she sent me to my room.
The next day, she said she didn't want to see me and needed space. After about 7 days, I sent her a text message stating that I need to explain my side of the story. So we had coffee and I explained it all and I apologized for my stupid behaviour. She forgave me but said she doesn't want a relationship for now and doesn't want to discuss anything until we are back home. This trip ends in 5 days. I am not allowed to be in contact with her, rather she is going to be in contact with me when we are back home.
I really love this girl but I have made some stupid mistakes. Can you please give some advice as to how I can fix this. I am really sorry and I know her and I are meant to be together. We had the most amazing 3 months, everything just started when she left for her trip.
Thanks.
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I don't think this relationship is very serious, given it's only been 5 months. It's possible that things moved very fast for both of you and you may have become attached to feeling very strongly for this person so soon. This in essence is an addiction. On her end, I don't see that she cares very much about how you feel, especially about her. You cannot change someone, especially their behavior. And with both of you being addicts in essence this relationship already has displayed numerous red flags that neither one of you are the right people for each other. You may have an affinity for this individual but if she can't respect your wishes, your personality and take your feelings into consideration (ie about the smoking), I think it's time to cut your losses and move on. Besides, it doesn't appear like you are losing anyway. She seems totally disrespectful of what you desire and why would you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? You need to enjoy the space she's given you and evaluate where you stand with each other. Forget about who is to blame and who caused the fights. A relationship is about mutual respect or lack thereof. She doesn't respect you, and she is probably pushing you away so she doesn't feel guilty about potentially hooking back up with her ex.
I learned that some men (women also) do this: if they are in a relationship and they talk to a person (could be an ex or someone new, and is really likely to be anyone) they will push their partner away during the time they are considering cheating or during times where they are likely to cheat, to minimize any negative emotions that would be as a result of their cheating (they don't want to feel guilty for straying).
So it sounds like you need to take a few days to get your mind clear and be ok with the break up. Easier said than done, but in the long run you'll see you may be happier without her than with her.