I know it is hard to see anything good right now. It sounds like you are really hurting. I totally understand feeling dead it is a really hard place to be in. Typically, at least in the USA, hospitalization is only used for dire cases. They, the professionals, try to minimize the possibility of hospitalization through outpatient treatment. It sounds like you might even benefit from something as simple as psychotherapy. Just as a good way to gain clarity on your situation and possible solutions. It can be hard to ask for help but it is a first step toward getting well and making those friends you seem to be missing in your life. Im sorry you feel so alone with this but there are lots of people who understand here at PC just keep reaching out.