I can relate. I si for a lot of the same reasons. My husband does not know that I am still si'ing. He thinks I stopped after my suicide attempt last December
I have cried in front of my t, but most of the time I try to hide from it. I have been seeing t for 5 years now though and she knows me very well and can tell when I am hiding. I can't offer much for advice because I still SI myself, but just keep seeing your t