Hi mememememe.

I think you can be helped by a good therapist. But like someone else said, it's probably a lot better and convenient if you told your parents you are hurting so much.

Wouldn't it be better if you had the support of your parents in this? Hiding your pain is so draining and exhausting.

If you want to find a therapist, you can check this out: http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

Besides therapy, you can do some other things to feel better. You can read some self-help books about improving your self-esteem, and about how to deal with SI. (amazon.com is a useful place for that). Besides that, you can also do some fitness and exercise every week. Almost everyone feels better because of that (a little or a lot). Exercise takes your mind of problems and makes you feel better, on the inside and outside. Take care.