Sorry for obscure title, but let me explain. I want to emphasize first that i am diagnosed with depression but nevertheless i had the below mentioned symptoms since childhood. I am 28 currently.

Almost everytime when i was a kid, i was finding myself emotionally embarrassed unable to make quick decisions which made me look lousy like when i talked to a beautiful girl and was stunned unable to think things fast which made me look like an idiot which is a common case, however currently this does not happen particularly with beautiful girls but other people that i am not familiar with. I just cannot think, get nervous and paralyzed-like concentrating what does that person think of me. People's emotions are influencing this situation. For example if i enter store where seller shows angry or unpleasant face i start thinking if i did something wrong and this paralyzes me as i am ignoring what seller tells me, my cheeks get red and i forget words unable to express myself correctly. What i feel is something like fear, tension, anxiety and embarrassment. This does not let me analyze the situation and think things through with possibility to lead me to make mistakes. Even if that person is wrong, i am unable to think if he is wrong and tell him/her this. What is interesting is that several hours later or when i am back to normal state i can meticulously analyze things and come with logical decisions which i wish i could do at the time of situation and not later. Interestingly, i have noticed that i sometimes want to cater to others to earn their respect since i want to be such person whom they would like to see in their eyes. Awkward i know, but to earn respect of people i don't know well? And i am willing to go to their level to be their friend.

I would like to tell also that when i am in a normal mood, something can trigger the above condition easily and i go from fully confident man to small little child. What is strange is that my tone and voice change as well towards kid's voice - unconfident and vulnerable. Am i right to think that liquids control our emotions, precisely when we laugh, brain injects a liquid that will make us feel that way? If yes, then i cannot control my brain as process happens automatically and when something triggers the above condition, i take it too close to heart and start behaving wrongly. Maybe there is a way to prevent such condition from occuring or a stimulator that helps to ignore it?

I want to inform that such condition has lessened a little in the last year but still occurs. What helps me is confidence, courage and ignorance of what person says. I try to always tell myself that the person who triggers the aforementioned condition is nobody to me, i don't know him, he is not the one i should listen to if he states i am wrong and that the God is the one who right and i should only be affraid of. It depends but i feel my mood fluctuates.

Does anyone have any idea what is wrong with me?

Thanks.