When I'm depressed I know it isn't because of my life. I know we're poor and there are hard times, but I'm extremely grateful for my husband and kids. That's probably why I react so badly when things aren't going well.

When I'm depressed I'm depressed at either nothing or myself. I just feel like rocks are sitting on top of me and I can't see them. Or I'm depressed because I feel like I failed myself. I dropped out of college, never published a book, never reached any of those goals I had for life. And because of that I feel like I failed my family, too.

I read a lot about depression and things because I'm not in treatment. I try to understand what's going on when I'm able to focus enough to do it. Plus when I was in college I was looking at getting a psych degree, and I remember a lot of what I learned, which helps me sometimes, but not always. And I focus on my mom because I know she lived in almost constant pain the last few years of her life, so I just keep her in my mind and thing if she can fight cancer, I can fight this.