my t always tells me i can call her if i need to, but i don't think i ever will even though i crave it sometimes and think about it a lot. and that makes me so mad at myself. here's why:

- i tell myself i need a really good reason to call (life or death, i'm crying, etc.), even though she assures me otherwise. i feel like there's a fine line, and truthfully i know that the majority of things i'd call her about are really not important or serious (even though i wish they were so i wouldn't feel so hesitant).
- my urges to call don't always happen during the daytime. and it's not like i am going to call her at 11pm.
- i don't know how she typically handles phone calls, i.e. gives words of wisdom for 2 mins, or talks for 20 mins- and i'd feel like every minute i keep her on the phone is a minute too long.
- i wouldn't have the slightest CLUE as to how to start the conversation. as soon as she would say "hello?" i'd freeze... what would i say?? i feel like i'd have to choose my first few words wisely so she wouldn't think i need to have an hour-long conversation, and i'd need to convince her somehow that whatever i needed to talk to her about couldn't wait until the next session.
- truth is, sometimes i feel like i just want to connect, and so i'd start inventing reasons to call her and it would just snowball.

eeek.