Yes Elan I do see what you are saying. And most people will only stand up when the pathway to empowerment is in clear view, something that has been achieved by others. But these pathways began with certain strong individuals that stayed a difficult course when others would not.

As I bear the timely process in my own effort to stand my ground, I can clearly see that though there are pathways that have been made by others before me, these pathways have been met with equal efforts in presenting obstacles by those that do not want to be held responsible. It is a reminder that the choice to make a stand is a difficult path and because this is so, many will simply choose to suffer losses thinking that it is the most reasonable path to choose. Unfortunately the fight for individual right has always been an ardulous one. And because of that the most common response is to give in and allow oneself to be controlled. From what I understand there is a name for that, "Victim Mentality". So many victims of abuse remain that way because they feel it is just too hard to present the truth and so instead they begin a path of self denial, looking for ways to just pretend somehow it didn't happen or it isn't real. Or even more predominent is that somehow though something bad did happen, they are just suppose to adjust to that bad and find a way to live around it in some kind of acceptance.

One of the things that profoundly effected me in my youth was bearing witness to watching my brother endure being bullied every single day for years. I could not believe that this process was allowed to take place.
I could see the bus driver seeing but ignoring, other children, seeing but ignoring. No one stood against it, no one. And I simply could not understand this human experience.

Today, over 40 years later, there is an awareness that it is not acceptable and efforts are being made to convey that this is not acceptable. Why, so many years had to pass before this was viewed as dangerous and truely unacceptable is simply amazing to me. However, I still see that in many ways it is a part of society everywhere from young to old and in every class of people.

I talked about not attending a neighborhood party about a month or so ago. And as I thought about some of the people that would be there I didn't want to be around them and pretend that their children bullied my child constantly didn't happen, or that one woman just left her horses out in extreme heat with no water or during a fly swarm with no protection running around being bitten and sweating drawing even more flys. Or leaving a sick pony to go off to a class reunion in the care of a neighbor who didn't know what to do? And how many times her dog was loose and almost got hit by a car, and other neighbors that didn't contain their dogs even when asked and I did see those dogs running up and down the road presenting a challenge to parents driving their children home from a nursery school up the street.

And it was something that my husband said to me that made sense. He said, "Open Eyes you are not one to go back for more abuse, you know it is not right, that is what others don't know, they would rather just pretend and when they come across something that upsets them they know to tell you because you will say something. They like that because their concern will be addressed and they can still pretend and be one of the group. So that way they can have their cake and eat it too."

It is true, what people fear the most is being excluded from the group so they will hold their tongue accordingly. People are so afraid of losing that they just don't fight for their rights. And yet in my life, I honestly do not go along with any kind of deception, somehow this is known about me. And in the quiet of individual councel I am asked questions that often surprise me. I had two women that were troubled about the poor treatment of the horses that didn't have any water. And yet knowing that they still chose to go to that party and pretend that never happened. But because I made a call to the owner and pointed it out, I am not really acceptable within the group. Oh, yes, I am invited but it is hoped that I wont be present as I am just a reminder of guilt.

My attorney does the same, he knows he has made mistakes so rather than appologizing to me directly, he chose to do so to my husband whom he knew would not have the strength to call him out on his mistakes. This is something I noticed as well, if someone is harboring guilt from making errors, they will often choose to releive their guilt through someone who relates to their victim in an escape from direct contact to the person they wronged.

Yes, many will choose the safe road, the sure thing, when it comes to self empowerment.

Open Eyes