You say, "Now and then she goes nuts about my .... 'schiznoidness.'" So I gather this has happened periodically over your marriage? And you seek answers?

Bravo!

It seems to me you're both being as good a spouse to the other as you can be. She is honest with you & tells you when she needs something she's not getting. You hear her & do your best to find a solution. She sees your real effort, the best you can do.

You may never get closer to a solution, but in the process you are still getting closer to each other. The respect, the awareness, the caring are there. All in all, not a bad marriage at all--by current standards. By any standards.

Roadrunner