I hope this is the right thread and if it isn't forgive me and feel free to move it.
The last time I was this depressed I was a child. well, technically I was in my early 20s but basically what I mean is there were no consequences of say, sleeping 14 hours or just getting online for hours to escape the thoughts in my head, because I had a mommy paying my bills and taking care of me. I didnt have to think about laundry or anything because she did all that for me. My mom passed away Dec 1, 2010. Now I don't regret the loss of the make it all better in my life to a certain degree because it did make me grow up and I did discover I am strong and capable and know how to do so much more than I ever thought possible, but a perfect storm happened about 16 days ago in my life (situational, bad interaction with a new med, the straw that broke the camel's back etc.) and I am back in this place where all I want to do is sleep. However, I have a child who wakes up and has needs to be met and the last thing I want is to be a bad parent (she is my niece but I took over the raising when my mom died and have been a big part of her life since day 1) So I make her top priority to a certain extent. I dont spend as much time as I wish I could with her but she has food and shelter and clean clothes for school and I try to give her a little quality time each day. Fortunately she is at school from 7-5 (she is autistic and goes to a special day center after school) so basically I only have to deal with her more or less on weekends, and my brother is watching her right now so I can have a quiet moment.
Then I take care of the glaring parts of the house. Never had a late bill, keep the kitchen clean enough so we don't have bugs, the house doesn't look like an episode of hoarders, etc. and I try to shower regularly, doesn't always happen every day but pretty regularly. I am working on laundry right now and am battling some physical pain, not sure if it is part of the depression, a side effect of a med, or cancer coming back (I am a cancer survivor) My brother and father are next to useless besides giving me a free moment now and then and my brother is trying to learn a few things at least (he did dishes this morning for the first time without being asked) He is borderline mentally retarded and is 42. My dad however, won't lift a finger for himself. He is 68. I keep house for them basically while I figure out the rest of my life. Aside for 3 days in a psych ward where I voluntarily checked myself into, I have never let it ALL fall apart, I hold on to responsibility with all my might, because so much of me just wants to be about me and only me and my disease. I have a right to be sick. When I had cancer no one made me feel bad about needing a nap or a cry or etc, but I had my momma then too. To top it off my sister was caught stealing medication from me so she hasn't been over or called since (3 weeks ago) and doesn't know about my slip back into depression or anything. I refuse to call her because I just want her to make the first move. I feel until she can do that, she doesn't really care about me, and I just don't have the energy to be pulled back into her drama or listen to excuses.
Sorry for writing a book but I would love to hear how you cope with the fatigue, and all the other symptoms of depression and still maintain a grip on responsibilities. We have bedbugs (something my sister neglected to tell us until we had them too) and while we haven't seen any in about 2 weeks, I have to gear up for another treatment because we are still being bitten and that involves enough work to have made me cry before the physical pain and depression so now I worry that I just am not going to be able to get it together this time. Thanks for letting me vent and I am going to try to use this me time to renew myself to get something done.