So I haven't cut myself since Wednesday - which isn't that long ago, I know, big whoop right? But I just feel such relief. This follows a period of pretty excessive daily (well, nightly) cutting that was getting increasingly out of control, and I hate being in that place, where cutting seems like the only thing to do to cope.

So what changed? Well, on Wednesday I saw my doctor - who asked to see my arm. It was pretty awful having to show him all the fresh cuts. He had a good talk with me, which helped. He reassured me somehow. He said that we aren't done, there are still things to try, we can up my meds... He said that I just need to focus on today, and tomorrow, and not worry beyond that for now. He spoke with me about having trust and faith to 'follow someone else's map'... and I don't know, I guess he just struck a chord. I started to feel a little more hopeful. He booked me in to see him again in 2 weeks, and I felt like maybe I have someone else in my corner, next to my T

On Thursday I saw my therapist and we did some relaxation/hypnosis. I hadn't told her about self harming again - no reason, it just didn't come up - but I did mention 'the desperation has been setting in again', so maybe she worked it out - I just know she said a lot to me, speaking to my subconscious, about respecting myself and caring for myself. I have felt very relaxed since then, and haven't had the urge to cut at all yet...!

I'm just hoping I can put it behind me this time, for real. It's a start, anyway, right? I think where I went wrong last time was giving in to it 'just a little', thinking I could control it - 'just one small cut, maybe two' - but then it just got worse and worse. I think the thing to do is to refrain from cutting completely. Once you start, it's addictive. Maybe if I can last out long enough to heal this time, it will be easier to stop altogether...