I have a counselor and I did see her last Friday. But talking mostl makes me feel worse because I feel like I have too much to deal with, my parents know, well mostly they believe I'm doing better. I really just want to talk but when I do I really want to cut and I don't want to at the same time, I don't lke pain or blood, so I don't know why I even cut. All of the stress is making it hard to focus on school so I'm falling behind which is making it harder for me to try to take control of my life. My docter thinks I'm depressed but dosen't want to put me on meds because I'm young and that could cause harm, sideaffects and whatnot. I feel lke there is nothing I can do but starve and cut. Though today I had two meals, and I have not cut, so that is some good news. Thats about it I have family surrounding me so I have nothing to do beside pretend everythings okay and want to hurt mysself but I can't and if I don't eat they will wonder why (they know I don't eat, so they make me eat every meal when they are around. Oh yeah I have a band concert for school and I am required to wear short sleeves, in two days so they entie school will see my scars. I tried to cover them but no matter what they are noticeable ..... I can't wait for that, rumors and stuff sounds great.....not really.