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"Another part of me realizes, I'm making me sick"
This is something many of us do not realize. I know it to be true in my own case but when I'm down, I know it to be anything but true. When I'm down I feel the same as you "There is no way you can feel this terrible and something not be seriously wrong" and I'm right about that, something is seriously wrong but it's mental more than physical. But the mental issues bleed into the physical and give you this whole jumbled mess that is nearly impossible to climb out of.
I've often found it rather interesting that in the classic novels (example Wuthering Heights) when the characters in the novels get too stressed out, their body gets the hit. They are bed ridden for weeks and slowly begin to die. Only when their emotions begin to heal do they begin to feel better and if they can not mend their heart, they do not make it. It makes me wonder... This was the case even in smaller characters in novels which makes me doubt that it was put in there for the "romantic effect" but could possible be in the books because it was often something to cause humans health to depleat.
I always figured I could think what I wanted when I wanted as long as I never carried through the actions, as long as I never let the thoughts change me... But up until recently I never realized those thoughts alone could change my health.
Wonderful insight you have!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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