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I guess that is my real problem. I let the memories in and when I do that I let the thoughts in with them. As long as those thoughts are going through my mind I wont be able to get over it. I blocked memories on my own when I was younger, it took years just to forget minor details, and my own mind has its own way of blocking memories. If I could just block it all out maybe I wouldn't be so screwed up. But I don't suppose that's the proper way of going about all of this... But no two people are the same, perhaps staying dissociative and keeping memories repressed will be the only way for me to stay at least this functioning.
I guess that's why my mind is still the way it is with the blackouts. I figured I'm an adult now, I'm safe and not around abuse any longer so why can't the blackouts stop? But if they did stop I would remember everything else... Everything much worse than what I can remember and write about... And would not be able to forget any of it... I have an obsessive mind... When something gets to me, I obsess for months over it. It can be something like a new hobby, or it could be a past memory that I recovered... It's not easy when you're trying to get better to obsess like that so perhaps the answer for now is just to lock all the memories away for a while
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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