..they say we are wracked with confusion

I'm old enough now to recognise it...but can I stop it?

if we weren't so damn thoughtful throughout the pain...(I read recently 'the pain of the future/past and present'..)...ambushing me ...it's relentless...

how does that equate to the indecision with relationships?

I one day love someone (and obsessively...quickly and suddenly and there is no energy to match it!)

then next day I hate the person with equal intensity...and both are acted out....and over and over

so sensitive to every signal...it drives me INSANE...

I'm reading #%@* that isn't even there maybe?
but I feel it..from another level

"don't contact me..leave me alone"...

"oh man....baby don't GO!"

"I can't stand you...you are the worst"....(censored by me)

and it's not just lovers...but friends and family also

..so much time analysing others thoughts based on triggers and trying to behave like I never think so twisted just makes me look more clumsy...and creates an impossible ammount of negative information.

sorry for the 'beaten' sound of all this...

I am emotionally blitzed...or having a breakthrough perhaps?

sometimes so much happens inside and ...I just haf to sit there and take it.