hey, thanks everyone for your comments.
saluki, gay is not even a possible subject in my whole town, so for my family there is no such thing. and i know this because i used to think the same, believe when i say that i didin't know what "gay" means untill i was 17. we use the word as an insult in general, but never to mean that someone is actually gay, because till that age, we didn't think it existed xd awesome huh? fyi i am not from france per se, i have been living here for sometime now (i mentionned that i tried to get away from my family! i left the whole country hioping i can manage to leave my life -and i mean my family- behind and live just for myself! as you suspect that didn't work out the way i hoped).
well, long story short, gay is not a subject that can be mentionned i sincerely believe they don't suspect it might be real
but as i mentionneed, i am not really looking for a solution, i know i am stuck in a cage i built myself and i ll just have to live with the consequences!part of being an adult i think.
but really, thanks for your feelings, appreciate it you too purple heart!

as for you tohelpafriend, i hear you. i can't even imagine what it felt to be in your position. i am maybe imaginning it, but i can't help feeling pain in your words. it's obvious you love your daughter, no one can ever question that. parents are supposed to love their children unconditionnally, i truly believe that it should be that way. i can't see how any person on this world can be happy, knowing that the people that gave them life and spent years of their lifes taking care of them, are turning their backs on them or not loving them anymore.
i have been there for sometime, just the thought of losing my parents made my life a living hell. maybe my feelings for my family are too strong, but still parents are supposed to be there for us, every step of the way, guiding us and loving.
to go back to the subject, i made my choice a long time ago, i can not be gay if i will lose my family, there is no doubt on my mind about those priorities. now, i am not stupid, i know i am sacrificing my life, and my happiness, and knowing my family i know they will never forgive themselves if they doubted for a second that i am doing this. but if they found out, they can't choose to get along with it anyway and they will still be devastated. so yeah i d rather bear the burden myself, better me than the whole family
i hope i am not out of line here, but i have to say it: she is your daughter, whatever choices she makes or whoever she is, and she will always be. you ll hear the same lines from everyone but that doesn't make them less true. your words made it sound like your daughter is not happy either, i doubt that you want that. i can only suggest that you try to just be accepting, no one can make you like the situation and you don't have to, it's just who you are. but you can make an effort to be supportive. i know that parents never cease to see their children as "kids" but we grow up and we learn to make bad and good decisions. we might need advice but we don't take ultimatums very well. no one does. so for the sake of both of you? maybe you can try?
anyways i really hope i am not offending anyone, as i mentionned english is not my first language and sometimes i can be misunderstood.

again thank you all, really for sharing, for your suggestions and the sincerity of your feelings
take care