I read your intro post last night, i'm glad I found this one, I get more now where you're coming from. I think your anger at the old T is really anger at the position you're in, she represents the choices you have to make. If you choose one thing, you have to give up the othe other thing. Economists call it "opportunity cost". What does it cost for you to take, or give up, this opportunity? Both prices are very dear, very expensive in your case. On the one hand, what you already have is safe, but not fulfilling. On the other, you would be taking a chance that you could achieve your heart's desires. I would say, take that chance. Stop using taking care of everyone as an excuse not to fulfill your dreams to have your own life, your own family (which may or may not include your niece). Is everyone in your household living THEIR best life? Maybe your brother would be better off with his peers, in a group home, with more organized activities and responsibilities. You could see your role as taking the lead not in breaking up this little family, but in helping everyone self-actualize. If not you, then who will have the guts and gumption to do it? You have a move happening in March, use that momentum for a big change, a REAL house-cleaning. It must have occurred to you.