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scooterb · Dec 12, 2011, 11:57 AM

I have been taking Ativan for approximately 3 years, (1mg x 3/day) along with my Effexor XR for depression and anxiety disorder. The last year has been hell for me. My psychiatrist and I have tried different medications to alleviate both the depression and the anxiety. I also suffer from long term insomnia. The medication changes have not helped, (substituting Rispiridol for Ativan) and have pushed me to the brink of a psychotic state. At this point I feel like my depression is under control - but the anxiety is increasing and I'm also experiencing panic attacks. Some of my symptoms include: debilitating confusion, muscle stiffness, inability to focus, insomnia, chronic headaches, etc.
I believe that my anxiety is not connected to my depression like doctors have always told me in the past, but a separate issue.
Here is the good news. A peer of mine gave me a few Konopin to try instead of the Ativan. (I didn't take them at the same time.) All last week while taking the Klonopin I slept 6-8 hours a night. I woke up feeling free and happy for the first time in over a year. I was not agoraphobic or afraid to talk to people. In short, I felt like a new person or the person I had been when I was younger before my mental health took me down.
Can anyone relate to this experience? Is it as simple as changing one benzo for another? It seems that for maximum effect I needed to take 4mg of Klonopin daily. Is that stronger than 3mg of Ativan? (I will be asking my psychiatrist these questions when I see her on the 20TH of December.) With the Klonopin I can focus, remember everything that happened during the day, I'm not lethargic or sleepy but motivated and ready to get out of the apartment and do things. I'm smiling and laughing for the first time in months. I'm hopeful and have goals. And I am ENJOYING my life.
My biggest fear is having my doctor reject my desire to change medication and that she will not agree with the quantity that is working for me. I understand addiction, (have been active in AA for 12 years) and her possible fears and concerns. But if I have to go back to the way I've felt for the last year I would rather not be around and existing on this earth.
Apologies for the long post.
Feedback would be much appreciated!!!

Sincerely,
Lisa