Thank you, both. I've got finals this week that I'm attempting to study for. But it's harder with what's going on. I have told 2 more people, and there's a part of me that is scared to tell more... okay a big part of me. I just.... the main thing that is keeping me here is for other people, not myself at all. I hate this type of thinking, and I especially hate it when it hurts those around me. I guess this is a good thing, but for me it's a burden. I'm scared, and I really don't know why this type of thinking has come from. But it is getting harder to resist si. Since I can't have sui I'll take si instead, just to get rid of at least part of the pain. Not the best coping skill, but what else can I do?