Hi, I too am new to this board, but I had to reach out to you. I too went through this very dark night of the soul as my best friend and boyfriend for many years left after he cheated on me. This happened while my best friend was dying of breast cancer. Spiritually I don't know why these things happen as they do. During the time I would say that I would never make it through his loss and through my girlfriends death. However, both of them are gone and I am still here. He is engaged to the girl that he left me for and believe me I still miss and think of him. But you do move on - one day at a time. All I can say is to honor your grief. Honor your feelings. Don't deny them. It was great you reached out to this group.