Quote:
Originally Posted by ultraviolet way
one thing that sticks out to me, crab, is - denial of diagnosis..this actually IS a symptom of bipolar! even if you come to accept the diagnosis, you're probably going to doubt it again. and again. and again. at least that's my experience.
with that said, i agree with other posts, your focus is best placed on your well-being and what that means for you as an individual. it is important to have an accurate diagnosis so there can be an accurate treatment plan. however, it's a bit like hitting a moving target. we are fluid and so are the disorders that affect us.
there are tests (written) for scaling your depression and mood(hamilton rating scale for example). you must be honest when completing them as the results are 100% dependent on your feedback. also, (good) docs are analyzing your non-verbal communication as well during an appt or session...appearance, mannerisms (eye contact, etc) so it is important to have a good relationship with someone you can trust. they will see your moods often when you can't.
i've learned that extreme irritabilty is the leader of my mood states to be wary of. i usually slip into a hypomanic, mixed or depressive mood if irritability is too strong if i am not prepared.
i do a lot of reading to help supplement my thoughts about what docs tell me as my trust level is almost always nil. right now i am reading "welcome to the jungle-everything you ever wanted to know about bipolar but were too freaked out to ask" hilary smith. sometimes i can relate to what i read and sometimes not at all.
my experience (so far) is that my bipolar is more like a spectrum. sometimes i fit into the criteria, sometimes i fit multiple criteria and sometimes i'm just fine. my point is, bipolar to me is ever changing and i constantly learn about it. i refused my diagnosis for years. i have recently gotten my depression under better control (therapy, TMS) and see the world through brand new eyes and am learning about the mood disorder. i absolutely believe i have one.
most importantly, always remember that moods change. they pass. it is often so hard to believe that when you are stuck in one, especially depression.
good luck!
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This is very helpful.
I do need to start watching my moods. I get very irritable sometimes where I feel a rush inside me of anger over little things. It's hard being a girl because I always was so quick to blame alot of my mood swings on PMS. But it's much more than that. I realize that now. It's gotten much worse as I age. I'm 35 now. Suffered my whole life.... always thought I was just super sensitive & moody.
Also.... I'm a cancer (hence my Crab username) and cancer's are known for being moody. hahaha! I always thought I was just very true to my sign. lol! I laugh because it's obviously much deeper than a stupid astrological sign.
Thanks again for all your comments. I appreciate it. No one else understands. I think my family & friends are in more denial than I am. They all think that with therapy I can get off these meds. But If this is more than just BPD then I have to accept meds as part of my life.
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DX ~ Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Gen & Social Anxiety
RX ~ None
Past RX ~ Wellbutrin, Abilify, Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, Viibryd, Lamictal, Triliptal, Xanax, Ativan.