Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo39122
I'm starting to think people are just born with this ability to communicate with each other easily and function socially.
It helps if I plan every little detail of the conversation. Every possible thing that could happen, what could go "wrong," every possible response to every possible thing...then, if things go wrong?
I should probably define what I even mean by doing something "wrong." Anything, and I mean anything not going perfectly right means it went wrong in my mind.
A moment of silence? I screwed up.
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Nemo, I've picked out some key points from your post and will offer my thoughts to you for your consideration.
I don't believe that people are "born" with the communication abilities you are wishing for. I sure wasn't! It took lots of work on my part to develop enough confidence in myself that I could communicate with others.
It appears to me that your biggest roadblock is wanting your communications to be perfect. That is an impossible goal - one I also had to accept because I have a tendency towards being a perfectionist. Sure, there are situations where it helps to consider what might come up in a conversation (usually professional situations - not social), so you have possible responses. Yet, I've discovered that people are amazing and will throw out ideas that you haven't considered. I've learned to enjoy those times, because I get to learn something new.
It is rare, if ever, that anyone will give a perfect speech or communicate their thoughts so perfectly that someone doesn't ask a question. Actually, if I am talking and no one questions me, it actually causes me to wonder if they were actually listening!
And to the final point I picked out - yes, those moments of silence can feel uncomfortable. Learn to appreciate those moments! It means the other people are truly listening, giving serious thought to what you have said and formulating their responses.