I just want to give up on everything. I keep falling back into this. I just can't be happy. I can't be anything even close to it. I hate everything so much. I hate having no money but I hate looking for a job so much. Just endless looking through pages and pages of jobs that I don't have the experience for. I can't keep doing it and I don't want to go through the whole process of getting a job.

I feel so alone but I can feel myself just completely isolating myself from people. I don't feel like I deserve anyones friendship anymore. I haven't exactly been the best friend to anyone.. I barely leave the house. Maybe 1 or 2 a week at the most. I tell myself to get out and go outside but I can never even get out of bed let alone out the door. I don't even want to meet up with my friends anymore even though I miss them and I don't know why.

I've gained weight because of all the comfort eating and because I've barely moved and I just feel so hideous and horrible. I can't believe I let myself get let this but still all I want to do is eat. I can't help it.

I can't be bothered with anything anymore. My mum is constantly going on at me about everything.. because I'm so lazy, because I never go out, because I don't have a job or any money, because I always complain for ages when she asks me to do anything.. even the simplest of things. I can't help it though. I feel like a horrible daughter but she doesn't understand and I don't know how to even begin to expain to her. Not that I ever would. I just can't talk about my problems out loud at all.

I just wish I had someone to at least be there for me sometimes. I can't do this by myself. I honestly just feel like one day I'm going to really completely give up and I don't want to.