Hi again - I'm home sick with a cold today so I finally have a real keyboard to type on instead of my cell phone/pda, so now I can give you an update. Except there isn't much of one

Things really haven't gotten any better. I was out of town last week and even though I had prepared my H's tax returns, he didn't mail them on Monday and spent the rest of the week beating himself up about it. He didn't answer the phone, didn't respond to my emails, and basically didn't do anything while I was gone. No job search, no housework, no other kinds of projects and no unemployment. I'm starting to suspect that if he applies for unemployment, then the pressure is on to apply for jobs and that's what's preventing him.

He had a T appointment today and although he left the house on time, he "forgot" about it and I tracked him down at the lumber yard. He missed 40 minutes of his 1 hour appointment.

I don't know what to do. I have zero influence on him; in fact, the more I try to help, the more he digs his heels in and resists progress. I guess it makes him feel worse to accept help from me. It's just such a self-defeating way of operating -- the more he avoids, the worse he feels, then stuff piles up and he feels overwhelmed, so he avoids... and the cycle continues.

He seems to be okay right now but god forbid I try to talk to him about his feelings. I did want him to go to therapy alone today so that he could feel free discuss this stuff without me around, but even that backfired.

I'm just so sad, helpless, and I guess Wellbutrin is working because I'm not so much feeling anxious as I am resigned to the fact that I might be looking at supporting a highly intelligent, grown man for the rest of my life. I love him so much and don't want him to feel bad for even a millisecond, but at the same time it feels like the walls are caving in and I'm becoming trapped but there is nothing I can do about it