I don't even know what triggered my downward spiral today. One minute I was fine and happy then next I'm crying like a baby.

It's starting to feel like everyone thinks there's a switch you can flip to turn it on and off. I wish there was, but we all probably think that. I miss having that "normal" life. I hate not knowing if I can keep everything under control minute by minute or hour by hour.

I've lost all interest in everything. I don't get the joy I use to get out of music, reading, writing, or tv. I just want to sit in my bedroom and stare at the walls. My so called best friend told me I'm not allowed to contact them until Feb. for any reason including emergencies so I can learn my lesson for not controlling my emotions.