Hi BNLsMOM. Is it possible that you're both? (depressed and anxious). It's so difficult describing interior states even to ourselves. I was dx'ed initially 12 years ago, after quite the troublesome life and took my time (12 years) go getting around to treatment less than 2 months ago. I really identify with the difficulty getting to work, either unable to sleep or fitful sleep but can't get out of bed. Hard time getting to work, I'm proud of you, I've told myself "make yourself do it so many times I'm learning to become deaf to it. At any rate the psychiatrist diagnosed me as a "mixed state" and that might be where you're at. I'm not really psychiatry savvy but, I just know its feels horrible most of the time and barely tolerable the rest of it and going on for nearly 4 months now. Please keep a close eye on yourself and take good care. Good luck to you, you're only as worthy or worthless as you feel on any particular day. Look for the good in yourself, please. I'm drilling down on the self deception too, its pretty difficult to change a lifelone habit. Again good luck & take care.