Yeah, I so get how you're feeling, redhead42.....and everyone else. I also "don't do Christmas" (crab 76)....then spend November and December fighting everyone who wants to know why not, it's no big deal, come on, join in a *little*.....grrrr. This year, I thought I was staying busy enough to breeze thru it....then shocked myself today, at instant mini-rages that flashed thru. Oopsie. Ok....maybe not doing as well as I thought.....ah well. For me, participating as little as possible, grabbing as much "me" time as possible, distracting myself as much as possible, running completely away as much as possible, helps. One thing I've learned over the years....when things get this bad.....I gotta get "selfish" (well, that's how I feel) - and focus on ME and MY needs. The world's expectations (family's, friends, spouses, etc.) just can't be dealt with right now, sorry.....check with me later....I'll get to you later...... Bottom line - we're here. We've survived our pasts....we'll survive this too. Odds are, anyway.