2 weeks now I have been destroying myself...it's toooo hard to describe everything that gives credibility to that statement!

I have angst and all the usual symptoms of an episode...I have used all my coping skills so far to feint my way through...

I will continue to dash about with subtle heroics that distinguish the better me from the worst me...

I am upset!..I realise this...and others here have assisted me to arrive at this distinct fact!...I am grateful...I have read and understood.

I can and unintentionally complicate things...and confusion can cause mis-adventures of intergalactic dimensions...and my God!...I don't want to go there.

so this girl told she was coming 3 weeks ago...since then she has arrived and SO much has occurred and I have only seen her once....

and like I said I didn't want to...It's time for a boy to make a stand and commit to his illness and recognise the insanity and share it no matter what...

I will not hold back any more..I know I can do this without 'freakin' people out anymore....I can get my point across...

I no longer care if she doesn't accept me...it's caused so much pain...what boosted this was that I always knew I accepted her no matter what....

but thats how it goes with the ill and the un-ill...

so I figured I have the advantage in that respect and in the process I lose her forever probly but at least I might restore myself by pushing her away with delicate yet slightly aggressive intelligence...

I have to save my own skin here and I am done with tearin' it all up!

cool