I am trying to figure out if I am depressed or hypo, or just no longer in crisis.

I should probably leave it alone because I am picking at mental scabs. I feel clearer, but I started a new med a month ago, so it could be that starting to work (which is good). I am a little more witty, and I have some irritable energy.

My energy is nil, and I sleep whenever I can. I can feel it turning around a little, though and if I try really hard I can stay up. I'd like to have a hypo time to get me through the holidays, but not if I am going to turn irritable and angry.

I have been volunteering at a cat shelter and today I really didn't want to go. I had a feeling of dread. THE feeling. The one that caused me to quit so many jobs in the past (I lost count around 50). But I went and I was fine while I was there. The great thing is that I work alone, first thing in the morning, just me and the cats. I might even adopt one.

I am working on self esteem issues in therapy and I think it is bringing up a lot about what I really think of my self, cutting through the self deception to try to get me to believe that I am not totally worthless.