Hi all,
I apologise in advance for how long-winded this may be, but maybe more details could help.

After a very poor attempt at cheating on me a few years ago, I took a self-esteem stumble and asked my then boyfriend not to look at porn anymore, simply because it made me feel worse.
He agreed, but I discovered a few times that he would wait until I left for work and then would look at his 'fettish' porn, which is pantyhose.

Anyway, this always pissed me off but it never became so bad that I wanted to leave him.
However, we got married during the summer. The month following, we moved house to a town 60 miles away. He had to move first to start his new job while I stayed behind and tied up loose ends, then we moved in together.
When we moved into our new house, I found out that he had been looking at porn during our month apart. I was torn between understanding that he was lonely, and also being annoyed because he has plenty of photographs of me similar to what he was looking at.
Anyway, whilst rummaging around his internet and self-inflicting pain onto myself, I discovered that he had also looked at lots of Cross dressing porn, most of it was just as graphic as gay porn, lots of penises and bending over, only they were dressed like women.
I asked him about it, and he admitted to being interested in cross dressing, hugely curious and had delved into it a little himself.
I wasn't annoyed at all about hearing this, exept that I wish he had told me before we were married.
In a similar conversation, he also shared that he thought he was bisexual.
This was extraordinary to hear as my husband is quite simply the most manliest man I have ever met. Not in appearance, but in the sense that he is a neanderthal. Which is once of he reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.
We spent a lot of time talking about this over the course of a few months, and the more we talked about it, the more my husband expressed an interest in having same-sex relations. He admitted to looking at not just the CD porn, but gay porn too.
He has seemed very pained about this, almost like he knows he wants to, but also knows (or thinks) that he shouldn't. Like its wrong, or shameful.
We talked about it so much, and he became so sad and fustrated that I realised that underneath the man I married, there is a potentially gay man, scared and hiding.
I absolutely adore my husband, not for all the normal reasons that we love someone, but also because he is so tender underneath his exterior. I couldn't stand seeing him upset, or sad, or fustrated and so I told him if having sex with another man was something he needed to do to, then I would support him.
He seemed immediately relieved, and I seriously regretted saying that, but I love him so much, I want him to be happy even if it isn't with me.

Anyhow, the immediate issue is, the last few weeks he has been actively looking for a local gay guy to meet up with and 'experiment' with.
I explained to my husband that this was going to be a seriously large turning point in both of our lives.
That if he did this, but didn't enjoy and thought himself straight, then I would be glad he cleared his mind of his uncertainty, but returning to a marriage with him having had sex with another man would be very difficult, and jealousy and everything else could make it near impossible to return to our 'normal'.
And that if he did it, and enjoyed it, and confirmed that he is gay, then there would be no hope for our marriage.
He said that that was what he was scared of, and I told him I would always love and support him, and that more than anything he has always been my best friend, and I would remain his.

The ease of which he accepted this knocked the reality of it into me. And now I am terrified.
I feel awful that I supported this, and encouraged it, almost. Like I'm ending the marriage myself. But I didn't want to tell him, no! absolutely not! push those feeling deep down inside and ignore them, because I'm sure they would surface again. Maybe in the future when we had been married for years and had more children. (We have a 2 year old son.)

(My husband and I have a fantastic sex life, I should add. Well, its not as amazing as it was at the start. But I know that he finds me attractive, and I turn him on. He says he loves me and my body. We've been through stages where I would try to have sex with him and he's been distant. But on the whole, there hasn't really been a huge difference in our sex life together. I'm not sure if this would mean that he is not gay?)

But now I don't really know what to do. Either way I am terrified. I love him so much, I have never been as happy as I have been since this all came out into the open. But I can't help feeling that I'm to blame, for allowing it. But if I didn't, I would be responsible for allowing my husband to repress feelings that could potentially hurt him more in the future.

I've tried very hard to convince him to go to counselling, to talk to someone about this before diving into the physical part of it, but he adamently refuses to. I thought about going to counselling myself, encouraging him to come with me which I know he would do, and maybe seeing if he can talk about it at the same time, but that almost feels like tricking him, and that wouldn't be fair.
I want him to come to terms with this all at his own rate, I just wish I knew about this before we got married.

Can anyone please give me some help here? Even just someone telling me that I'm doing the right thing would help. Or tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing, and advise me on what to do. I'm going along with this according to instinct, I've never known anyone who's gone through this, and I don't really know how to approach it in my mind.
We're both communicating honestly about how we feel, but for some reason I feel like I need someone else's opinion, I feel like we're in a little bubble, detatched from reality.

Thank you in advance. And I'm sorry my writing is so formal, but I don't feel yet like I can put my emotions into this for fear that I will have a break down.

S