I've thought about this alot, actually. I think that may be part of it. IDK? I told T afterwards, that during the rupture I felt like whatever "it" was, wasn't worth the fight. In the moment, I thought T could be "irritated" with me if he wished, I wasn't going to do anything to change his mind. I was just hoping to survive.

I think "it" may have been control?

It was only after I was able to take a few steps back that I realized, I HAD to go back and ask. It just didn't make sense, otherwise.