A friend of mine has a daughter who used to have a short fuse and throw really bad tantrums, bad as in she would throw anything she could get her hands on and scatter and destroy anything that was in her path. She found an after school center that works with children who have special needs and spoke with the clinical director. From what she told me, the treatment was very parent-involved. They taught her techniques on how to handle her daughters behavior when she wasn't at the center. They also did in-home sessions to see how her behavior was at home. My friend seems less stressed out and her daughter seems more calm than before. You can consult with her to diagnose your kids since she's a certified clinician. My friend has had a very positive experience with the facility. The place is called the Learning and Behavioral Center, LLC.

They're located in Tarzana, CA but I don't think it will be a problem if you're not in the area. My friend was able to keep her weekly appointments with the clinical director via skype/telephone while the clinical director was flying to other states doing in-home session with her out-of-state clients.

I hope this helps. I haven't experienced this first hand but I've seen the toll it can take on a parent. Best of luck