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Originally Posted by tnlibrarian
Okay, I told you guys about my husband deciding on his own, without my input,...I know he's been supportive and he's probably just trying to help but I resent being treated like I'm a mentally handicapped person. I'm an intelligent human being who he has always bragged about...It's just so totally insulting to be treated like an incompetent child all of the sudden because of my bipolar. .. I just want to be treated like I'm an intelligent human being and not a moron or a nutcase who might be committed at any minute. It's so frustrating and infuriating.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tnlibrarian
... He told me last night that if I don't want to end up in a psych hospital and I want any hopes of moving I'm going to have to learn to "totally control the problem and get rid of it". .. He has told me that my bipolar does not change the way he views me and he still thinks I'm a wonderful, intelligent person. ...
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Wow. Kind of sounds like my ex times 10, plus control freak (which he wasn't). But there was sort of a parent/child relationship there too. Not including me in some significant decisions over the years...He'd brag about my smarts too, but when it came to working/making money? (To be fair, he's right on that count and it's causing huge problems for me now.) He didn't have BP to go on about by name (undiagnosed till near the end -- a whole other chapter...), but behavior, lack of control, "what the hell is your problem?!", all kinds of results and fallout? Oh yes. Hear you! It's definitely frustrating! Like somehow not being a "real" adult!
And hell no, I don't think that's too much you're asking to much to be treated as a competent intelligent adult who should be a
real part of decision-making!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by tnlibrarian
That means starting out at $25,000, which my husband says isn't good enough.
--but then my husband decided he needed to send me to bed...
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Needed to send you to bed?! Sheesh.
Not enough as a second income?! (And me being totally jealous here, but I'd love to be able to make that much! You have much more education, so I do understand how that would be to you, though.) Are you in the loop on the finances? Are there things that are more than necessary or extraneous altogether? If there are, it'd be worth looking at if those are providing any kind of justification for this "well, that just isn't enough" stuff.
Frankly it seems he only has 2 alternatives on the list, neither of which can you "win" on. Stay? You can't make enough to suit him. Move? You could make enough to suit him (and provide professional satisfaction for you) but he won't allow that(!) (Or at least with parameters acceptable to you.) This is unreasonable. He can't have it both ways. (And to be blunt, this is classic control freak behavior.... giving no-win "options".)
I really wish you could figure a way to get some counseling. There's so much here that it could be helpful for. (Like you, I wonder too about the MIL factor... Do you have enough interaction with her to know her attitudes toward your BP? And how much influence she has over your husband's thinking in general?) Hope I'm not
with the underlined part. It's pretty obvious in that particular circumstance, but I'm guessing that's not isolated. And can't help but wonder if that preceded the BP dx. Because it'd sure be easy to see how someone could use BP as an even greater justification for that kind of behavior.
Edited to add (on account of your most recent post)... it does sound like he may have a good intention, BUT still, it seems he doesn't realize the ways he's being counter-productive to it.