My mom is ill and has been most of my life (im 15). I have had to wipe her, get her food, bathe her, and take care of her......but i think that has left me without anyone to care for me. Im fifteen and time is running out for me to get the motherly attention i crave.

In school, ever since i was in third grade i have searched for mother figures. Most the time they were my strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent teachers who looked after me.

Most the time, as the years progress my teachers and i have moved on from eachother- and it's realllly hard. Its horrible to get so close to someone then have them "replaced" or never to see them,- to grow
apart....and i happens almost yearly- now per semester.

I am really terrified about this happeneding again. This year i am really close to my one teacher, i tell her just about everythingg. I look up and admire her so much- i even wish she was my mother, and that i was her daughter. My heart skips when i see her smiling at me in the hall, and when i am around her i feel such love and secureness it makes me feel whole- it isnt weird or anything....actually its nurturing i guess.

The semester is changeing and i wont see her as much, if at all, and talking through e-mail isnt the same.....i cant lose another one of my role models- expesially not this one. I think this time i'll go crazy.....but regardless i still feel crazy- this doesnt happen to my peers. I know feeling this is inappropriate, i mean teachers are there to teach not to parent....but i can't help how i feel- ive tried to stop and not open my heart, to not let this happen but i cant, maybe i need it.. id ont know. I feel so bad about it....maybe i should post this under relationships- but it is school related.

Any feedback or advice will be highly appreciated.